I hope to find someone who would never make me feel like an inconvenience to them. Someone who can make me feel special. Someone who can match my vibe when it comes to planning dates. Someone who can take care of me. Someone who can make me happy.

xoxo. 12.2022

this is not what i want for myself.

i want a better life than this.

What is so hard in avoiding the people you know i’m not comfortable with. WHAT HUH. You would rather have me get upset because of some girl instead of just unfollowing? Really? Is this really how you want to play this relationship? Cause boy i’m telling you i can play that game too. And i can fucking play it 10 times better than you.

honestly tired of living with him. I’m tired. over it.

how do i leave.

8 years dealing with your fucking bullshit. I want out.

sometimes i wish it’s something different.

3.16.22

Lately i’ve been feeling a little insecure about myself. I just have a very strong gut feeling that he’s not into me anymore. It just doesn’t feel the same anymore and i hate it. I honestly think this is why i started doing this “online thing” is because i get more attention from it than what i get from him… i see his social media and he gives more attention with those girls he follow… fucking random strangers are getting more attention than me.

It’s a little scary that i’m starting to look for attention somewhere else… this is how my previous relationship ended… 😐

i’m not happy. i don’t feel the love and effort anymore. every time i try to do something nice, he gets upset and mad about it. It’s like spending time with me is such an inconvenience for him all the time. he doesn’t even try to plan anything for us. he thinks that spending time with me is always about money. it sucks. i hate that i’m feeling this way.

i’m not happy anymore.

they said never go to sleep mad at each other but lately i’ve been going to bed upset and mad at you. almost every fucking night.

he never fail to always make me feel like shit. i swear every time i try to plan to do something nice for a date day he always always have a way of ruining it. making me feel like he’s obligated to go. never once has he ever plan a date or even ask me to go on a date and we have been dating for 7 years now. it’s always me trying to plan something. after what he did recently making me feel stupid and feeling like shit after he started messaging other girls again you would think he would at least try to gain my trust back again. But no he thinks everything is okay with me but it’s not. I’ve been thinking A LOT about this situation and what could happen if i do leave. I’m honestly really close to my limit. Idk what else to do 😔

VENT. RANT.

sometimes i don’t even feel like he cares. so lately i feel like i’m trying to distance myself more without even knowing. If that makes sense.

I’m getting at the age where i’m really starting to think about my future and lately i don’t even see him in my future anymore :( ever since moving in with him i feel like i’ve taken the role of being the one financially responsible for both of us and the fact that i HAVE TO work 40 hours a week just to make sure i have extea money since he doesn’t get paid enough… i feel like he doesn’t even try to help me out when it comes to financial things we need.

This is not the life i signed up for. I didn’t move out of my parents just to live with his grandma and aunt. I want my own space. My own privacy. And honestly from my point of view it doesn’t seem like he’s ready for it. And if he’s not ready for it then i will do it for myself. I’ve been searching up and looking at places for myself and so far i’ve seen two that i really like. Idk how to tell him yet or if i will even push thru with it but i know it’ll be a good experience for me also. I’ll become more independent.

Oh life.

to move out or not.

sometimes i stop and think if i made the right decision to move in with him. there are days where i feel like i made a mistake but sometimes i do love it, it is nice to come home to someone. i checked out a room studio type today and i really love it. it’s within my budget and it’s also still in town. the land lord is also filipino which is nice. but the thing is this place would only be for me. it does sound exciting to have my own place without having to worry about someone else but at the same time scary and lonely. idk what to do. fml.

WHY AM I EVEN STILL WITH THIS GUY.

i wonder. i really wonder.

sometimes i wish i have a boyfriend who can provide for me. buy anything i want. travel with me and just a great boyfriend.

instead i got one who sucks. lol oh life.